“If outside validation is your only source of nourishment you will hunger for the rest of your life.” ~ Unknown
You, and only you, are able to provide true validation for yourself…
“If outside validation is your only source of nourishment you will hunger for the rest of your life.”
Seeking outside validation is something so taught to all of us that it becomes second nature, as though we were born with it as another sense. To search out and find a source of validation to tell us we are good, that we are worthy, that we matter and are important – it almost seems as instinctive as breathing.
In many, many ways the pursuit of outer validation is instinctive. We start so young, getting feedback as mere babies and small children – do this and your parents laugh and seem to shower you with love and praise, do this and they are angry and upset.
The school years simply ingrain these habits as we are encouraged to gain validation with our grades which rate everything from how well we do at our school work to our gym performances to our very behaviors. The better you are at doing and giving the teachers what they want, the better your grades. And more often than not, this means conforming to very set standards that tend to discourage certain forms of individuality and expression.
Outside of the classroom, we continue to pursue validation from our peers, wanting to be liked and accepted, not be deemed weird or different. At every turn we are faced with choices and we tend to choose what we think will gain us approval and recognition by those we admire or long to fit in with.
The cycle never stops and instead tends to intensify with each step in life. From comparing where we go to college, if we go to college, our jobs or careers and their trajectories, to who we date to when we get married, have kids, how we raise those kids, to how and where we live…it just keeps going…
Then you compound it with social media which is based upon an outside validation system – how many likes, how many comments, how many followers?!?!?!? And they way that the self-esteem can take hits in accordance…
It’s utterly exhausting, and quite frankly, it leaves one starving for lack of soul and self-esteem nourishment.
When life gets wrapped up in a constant search for outer validation that you are worthy and enough, it actually begins to wither and lose it’s deeper meanings and expressions.
I know all too well because I have fallen to the desperate need for outer validations so many times. I longed for someone to provide me with the proof that I was an amazing, good, talented, lovable person. Someone who would show me that I was worthy of love and all the best things on life. It has yet to happen, and even those who I know love me never seemed to really provide this validation I was longing for.
The reason for this is because I am the only one who can provide this validation. If I don’t come from a place of self-worthiness, nobody else will ever be able to provide it in any kind of sustainable or satisfying way. It goes hand-in-hand with the theory that “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else.”. If you don’t validate yourself, how in the hell can anybody else validate you in a believable way?
I now believe in my core that I am a lovable, caring, good-hearted, talented and amazing person who is worthy of every good thing I can think of and more. And what’s more, I make the active decision every day to be this way. By validating myself, I nourish my soul and I am able to take this feast of soul richness and shine out in the world.
Yes, I do still fall prey to the desire for outside validation, especially when it comes to Instagram, but when I feel that ruling my actions I take a step back and remind myself that I am posting for myself and I don’t need likes or comments or follows to make it worth it or myself worth it. It can take it’s toll on occasion, but that’s when I step back and find ways to validate myself again. It makes posting, and life, enjoyable, which is what it should be.
Take note today about some of the ways you seek outside validation and how you could maybe find ways to validate yourself instead. You may find ways to nourish yourself instead of starve and that’s worth everything!
Namaste ~ Ella
~ Affirmation Mondays are positive words of wisdom, insight and joy to add a bit of cheer to the start of your week and any day you need a bit of a pick-me-up! For even more inspiration please check out my Affirmation Mondays Pinterest Board and my Quote-spirational Board!
~ Check my Instagram on Mondays for Inspirational quotes and every day for a little jolt of happiness!